defence

when i react defensively or with shame

the reaction occurs with full force and immediately 

imagine a feather dropping on a defensive forcefield

and the forcefield whirring immediately into action

then all the defensive missiles firing at the source of the ‘attack’

this can happen only if the defences are already in place

which means i have already decided i am attackable and so worthy of attack

which means i already think there is something wrong with me

which means i already feel bad about me

you didn’t do it